You're Worth All the Pain
by shiru mokeru
Summary: Wally West has been abused for as long as he can remember and it's only become worse now that he is Kid Flash. Day after day he is finding it harder to see a reason for living, that is until he meets Jinx. Now determined to help her find the life he knows she deserves, Wally finds that helping Jinx is worth all the pain of living.
1. Prologue

**I wasn't going to post this until I had more of it written, but I decided not to wait any longer. With that being said, updates are going to be random, but I will try not to have too much time in between updates. I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling mistakes and I don't own Young Justice or Teen Titans.**

**Warning: Child abuse**

I want to believe that I'm not wrong. I want to believe that life isn't full of darkness.

Even if storms come to pass, the sun will shine again.

No matter how painful and hard the rain may beat down on me.

-Yuki Sohma, Fruits Basket

The tiny, redheaded, freckled face five-year old shivered from where he sat, huddled under his bed and pressed as far back into the corner as he could get. His wide, innocent, tear-filled green eyes stared fearfully out from under the bed. Tears were continually streaming down his baby fat cheeks and tiny whimpers escaped him no matter how hard he tried to hold them in. He brought one tiny hand to his mouth in order to stifle the noises he was making while the other was used to wipe away his tears with the sleeves of his too large shirt. He was in trouble. His shivering turned into trembling as he began sobbing quietly. He was in trouble, he didn't know what he did, but he was in trouble.

The boy's bony arms wrapped themselves tightly around his trembling, too thin, hunched over body; his face was buried in his knees as his sobbing became worse. He was so scared. He didn't want to be punished; punishments hurt. His lower lip trembled at the mere thought of previous punishments. Punishments that left him achy for days, punishments that sometimes caused snapping noises from his arms and legs, punishments that always left his tummy different colors.

Suddenly, the door to his bedroom flew open, bouncing off the wall it then slammed shut again. The noise scared the already terrified child, causing him to jump and knock his head against the bed frame. Clutching his throbbing head, he stared out at the legs that were steadily making their way towards his bed, the tears continuing to stream faster and faster down his face. The tiny child felt his trembling turn into full-blown shaking and breathing had become increasingly more difficult as he listened to the thundering footsteps. He knew he shouldn't be hiding, knew that it would only make his daddy angrier, only make the punishment worse. He knew this, but yet he still couldn't move; at least not until his presence was demanded. He knew what was going to happen, and he knew he was helpless to stop it.

"Get out here, now! You're not fooling anyone!" A slurred, monstrous voice boomed. The boy had already crawled out and was shaking where he stood before the man had even finished talking. The younger stood before the older, head bowed, eyes closed, and taking deep, shaky breaths to calm his nerves. Here it comes, he was going to be punished, he didn't know what he did but he deserved it. Daddy told him he deserved it and everyone he'd ever met told him that his mommy and daddy knew best. His daddy believed this was best so he had no choice but to believe the same. He took another deep breath and prepared himself.

His daddy grabbed him roughly by the hair and slammed him into the wall, earning a surprised, pained whimper. Sliding down the wall the child looked up at his father with terrified watery big green eyes, silently praying that his father would change his mind and that they might be able to be a happy family. A sharp kick to the ribs shattered that hopeless dream and caused him to gasp. He was pulled up by his shirt and slammed into the wall again, this time he was held up so that there would be no sliding to the floor. A punch to the face caused his head to snap back and bounce off the wall. Another snapped his head to the side and caused him to spit out a tooth.

Although the pain of his beating was great, nothing hurt more than his daddy's cutting words. Worthless, brat, stupid, better off dead, unloved, _murderer_. They were words that he'd become used to hearing ever since the illusion of their perfect family had shattered, but they still hurt just as much as the first time he'd heard them. Even though the words stung, he knew that they were all true and that he deserved all of this.

After seconds, minutes, hours, days, months, years - he couldn't tell - it was over. His daddy left him, sobbing and bleeding all over the floor. He tried to ignore the pain, but it was hard when even the slightest of movement caused shooting pain throughout his entire body. Another sob tore through him and he winced; he'd always hated crying and now it was just causing more pain. He just wanted to go to bed, but oh god it; it hurt so much.

It.

That's all he was to his daddy: it, boy, thing, useless, brat, that's all he was; he couldn't even remember the last time his daddy had called him by his name. Names were only for good children, his daddy had told him, names were for children that were actually loveable.

The child sniffled and pushed himself up onto trembling limbs. He crawled pitifully forward, having to stop several times to catch his breath before he reached his bed. Using the last of his energy he pulled himself into bed and collapsed. Before he gave into unconsciousness, he made himself a promise. One day he would be a good boy and he'd make his father proud, he would no longer be it, or that, or boy. No on that day he would just be Wally West, and somebody would love him.

**In this story Wally's mother died during childbirth, which is why his father calls him a murderer. Also when he talks about the illusion of their perfect family he is talking about when his father pretended to love him. Rudolph knew that Mary really wanted to have a child so he tried to love Wally after he was born, but he couldn't get rid of his bitter feelings. He still pretended even though he really hated Wally because he knew it was what Mary would have wanted, but one day he just snapped and started to beat Wally.**


	2. Chapter 1

**I'm sorry that this chapter took so long and I'm even more sorry for how bad it is. I really hate this chapter but no matter what I did I couldn't make it better. I can't promise that the next chapter will be up soon because I want it to turn out better than this one and that might take sometime. I'm also sorry about grammar and spelling mistakes. Anyways I forgot to put warnings in the last chapter so I'll do it here. **

**WARNINGS: Child** **abuse and thoughts of suicide**

_You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile._

_-John Green, The Fault in Our Stars _

Recognized, Kid Flash B03

Wally swayed the moment he stepped into the cave. Bringing a bruised and battered hand to his face, he closed his tired eyes and took a deep, calming breath; traveling by zeta tube was definitely _not _a good idea when you're injured. He took another breath only to wince in pain; his father had done a real number on him this time. His torso was covered in a rainbow of green, yellow, blue, and purple bruises. His right leg, a few fingers on his left hand, and two of his ribs were broken. Not only that, but in order to make it sure they didn't heal wrong he had been forced to set his leg and finger. And then of course on top of all of that he had a concussion, that is, if the double vision, killer headache, and nausea were anything to go on.

Then, there was also the fact that he hadn't eaten anything in about three days, and his stomach felt as if it were eating itself. He was going to need food soon if he didn't want to collapse, and there was no way he could allow that to happen; his friends didn't need to worry about him.

Speaking of food, Wally smiled very slightly and tilted his head in the direction of the kitchen as he caught the scent of the most heavenly thing he'd smelt in days; Megan's cookies. Even though they were most likely burned to a crisp, the mere thought of food, the first scrap of anything he'd be allowed to eat in days, made his mouth water.

Ever since his father had learned that his powers required him to eat more than a normal person, he had made it a point to withhold food from him. After returning home late from a mission on Monday, his father had punished him by telling him he wouldn't be allowed to eat the next day. Naturally on Tuesday Wally had made another stupid mistake, he wasn't sure what exactly it was, and the result was another day without food. Of course on Wednesday he messed up again and was told he could not eat on Thursday. Getting up on Thursday had been torture, he'd been so hungry he could hardly move. School had been even worse; it was finals week and he was unable to focus on anything. When Wally got home, deciding to risk facing his father's wrath, he snuck an energy bar. And of course-surprise, surprise-his father had walked into his room right after his first bite. The resulting beating led to the injuries he was now sporting and left him unable to go to his last day of school that morning. All morning long he'd stared at the clock, counting down the hours-which dragged by agonizingly slow-until he could go to Mt. Justice where he'd spend the weekend.

So, that led him to where he was now, standing at the entrance of the zeta tubes, and smiling at the mere thought of burned cookies. That smile slowly began to fade as he looked in the direction of the kitchen; it was such a far walk, and he'd already used all his energy to find the nearest zeta beam to transport here. Getting to the kitchen shouldn't seem as hard a task as it did, but moving was difficult enough, and he'd have to try and hide his injuries as he went; that would be near impossible. He couldn't allow his friends to see him like this, he wouldn't allow them to waste their time worrying about him. His friends all had their own problems, he wouldn't bother them with his.

Dick's parents were dead, he was never going to see them again; what right did Wally have to complain about his father. Sure, Dick had Bruce, and he was great father, don't get him wrong, but his friend missed his birth parents, and it just seemed insensitive to go to him with his problems.

Roy's life was a mess. He's lost his father and Brave Bow, had a falling out with Ollie, and just found out that he's a clone; there was no way he was going to him. Besides, as much as he loves his older brother, he wasn't the best at giving advice.

Kaldur didn't even know his father, and he had enough pressure being the team leader. As leader, he not only had to watch over everyone and make sure they could work together, but he had to deal with his own problems as well. Wally wasn't going to pile on more.

Conner wasn't even a year old. Not only that, but he was only just starting to get along with Superman. What kind of friend would he be if he ruined that for him?

Wally remembered Megan once saying that she had twelve sisters and seventeen brothers, he seriously doubted that she had a close relationship with her parents before she came to earth. Even if she didn't have a close family dynamic, how terrible would it be to whine about his family when hers were a planet away.

Artemis can from a family of villains; anything his did to him couldn't be as bad as the pain she must have felt, was still feeling.

Zatanna's father was gone; she'd watched him sacrifice himself for her. And he hardly knew Raquel, he couldn't talk to her. Besides, Dr. Fate was currently off teaching Zatanna how to better control her powers, and he had no idea what Raquel was off doing. Wally would just have to get through this on his own; it couldn't be that hard, he'd been doing it his entire life.

Attempting a step forward, Wally was forced to bite down on his bottom lip to keep a whimper from escaping. Trying again only brought about the same results; his leg was still healing, putting any type of weight on it sent shooting pain through it. Tears of frustration began to well up in his eyes as he glared in the direction of the kitchen. It was only a few years away; just a _few yards_ away was the whispered promise of food. Food, that's all he wanted; he just wanted to eat.

The young speedster let out a tiny, anger sob as the feeling of complete uselessness overcame him. He was pathetic, just like his father always told him. He was going to starve to death even with there being food just a few rooms over; how useless could he get? How could Kid Flash, a hero, be so weak and helpless? How could he be expected to save anyone when he couldn't even save himself?

Wally straightened, determination shining in his pained emerald eyes as he wiped away his tears. He could do this, he was _the_ Kid Flash, something as insignificant as this was _not_ going to stop him. He would prove to himself- and his father- that he wasn't as worthless as he'd always been told he was. The injured teen made it all of three feet before he was forced to stop and lean against the wall, panting lightly. Wrapping his arms tightly around his bruised and cracked ribs, Wally opened his eyes- which he hadn't even realized were closed- and stared blankly down at the ground in front of him. He wasn't giving up, he told himself, he just needed a small break, that was all, just a moment to catch his breath and he'd keep going.

Two minutes passed before the speedster pushed off the wall and staggered forward, hiding his limp the best he could. The pace he set for himself was agonizingly slow, especially for a speedster, but he was getting somewhere and that's all that mattered. When five more minutes passed and Wally still hadn't made it to the kitchen he began to think of giving into his battered body's demands of curling up on the floor and dying. That's when it hit him. The heavenly smell of burnt cookies; that glorious, magnificent, marvelous, delightful, spectacular smell, was coming from right in front of him. He'd made it and he'd been waddling in too much self-pity to notice.

Wally rushed forward, ignoring his injured leg, his thoughts were now centered solely around food. It was so close he could almost taste it. His mouth watered at the thought of the cookies; the thought of the crunchy, crispy burnt outside, and of the melting, gooey, deliciousness of the chocolate in the middle. He was just about to step through the doorway when something- someone- crashed into him sending him sprawling backwards on to the floor.

Excruciating pain rippled through Wally leaving his mind an explosion of white. He couldn't think, he couldn't hear, he couldn't see, he couldn't _breath._ He laid there, on his back, completely breathless, trying not to whimper, cry, or scream. His leg and ribs were on fire; he could feel where each one of his bones was broken. Every bruise and muscle on him throbbed in unison with his heartbeat. It hurt all over; oh god it hurt so much. What did he do to deserve this? Wasn't it enough that he got beat by his father on a regular basis and then went on life threatening missions? Did he really need to feel this kind of pain in a place where he was supposed to feel safe? Was the world really _that_ cruel?

When he was able to breath again, Wally found himself on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Biting his lower lip to keep from making any noise, he pushed himself up and looked over at Megan. She grimaced and rubbed the back of her head- which she must have knocked on the kitchen door behind her, Wally realized guiltily- but other than that she seemed fine. Floating between them were the burned ( white macadamia, chocolate chip, _and_ M&amp;M!) cookies that had been luring Wally with their sirens call. The very sight of them was enough for Wally to push his pain farther back in his mind.

"You're not planning on eating all those by yourself, are you beautiful?" He gave her the best puppy eyes that he could muster, praying that it would be enough for Megan to not notice his injuires.

For once it would seem that his prayers had been answered because the martian simply laughed and moved the cookies closer to him. The male redhead devoured the sweets in five seconds flat, nearly moaning at the pure excellency that was food and the relief that it brought his starved body. Even so, the cookies weren't enough to heal his injuries; he'd have to eat more.

Placing his terribly bruised left hand on the wall beside him, Wally used it to pull himself up and offered his right hand to the other.

"Thanks beautiful." Wally winked as he pulled her up. "Where are the others?" Megan brushed herself off and smiled to show her gratitude before heading back into the kitchen, calling over her shoulder as she went.

"They're all in the other room, it's movie night remember? I was just getting snacks while we waited for you." In truth, Wally had completely forgotten about their weekly movie night. They had started that tradition on New Years. After taking on the Justice League they had felt they deserved a day off to relax and act their age. It had been such a success that the team - mostly himself, Artemis, and M'gann- had pleaded with Robin to convince Batman to allow them a day off every week as long as nothing serious was happening. Usually Wally couldn't wait for this night, he was getting the chance to hang out with his friends without having to worry someone might die, why wouldn't he be excited. But tonight he wasn't sure how he'd make it.

In the kitchen M'gann had food levitating all around and was currently in the middle of making sandwiches. Snatching a bag of potato chips from the air, Wally made his way over to the girl and began to make his own sandwiches, being sure to leave enough ingredients for Megan to use. Once again the speedster wolfed down his food, not stopping to savor the taste. He could feel his bruises fading and his pounding headache lessen, but he knew that would be about it; more serious injuries- such as broken fingers, and ribs, and leg- took longer to heal, even with accelerated healing.

When he had finished, Wally sat back at counter, watching Megan bustle around the kitchen. To keep up appearance, Wally made sure to flirt shamelessly with her even though his heart wasn't really in it. For about the last month or so Wally had found that he no longer cared much impressing the pretty martian; in fact, he didn't care much about anything anymore.

With a sigh the boy rested his elbow on the table and buried his face in his hands. He really had no idea how much longer he could keep this charade up. It had gotten to the point where he was reckless on missions because he just didn't care whether or not he lived or died; and that scared him. He should have more self-worth than he did, he should want to live, but he didn't. And if he had gone solo like Roy, he probably would be dead by now. But he hadn't. he still had his team, and they stopped him from being a complete moron. He refused to allow his self-hate to put his team in danger. They needed him to be ready at a moment's notice for anything that might happen. What if they needed someone to get a bomb out of there? What if one of them was about to get shot and couldn't get out of the way fast enough? No, he couldn't do that to his friends. They all had people who would miss them if they died, people who loved them, _he_ loved them. Even so that didn't stop him from hoping that one day he might end up with a bullet in his chest.

"Wally?" The speedster looked up, coming face to face with a concerned Megan. She was floating a few inches off the ground, wringing her hands nervously and leaning in close; her big chocolate colored eyes shining with worry. "Are you alright?"

Panic seized a hold of him when he realized that, yes M'gann was a martian and was able to sense the emotions that must have been rolling off of him. Wally wasn't concerned that she'd read his thoughts, M'gann would never do that, but still, the fact remained that she now knew _something_ was wrong.

Forcing a brilliant smile on his face, Wally slide off his chair, picked the female redhead up, and twirled her around. His injuries protested the action but he ignored it, continuing to smile brightly as he put her back down.

"It's nothing babe, I just hope that it wasn't Kaldur or Supey that picked out the movie. The last thing I want to do is watch a documentary or Bambi again." For whatever reason Conner had become completely obsessed with Bambi ever since he first watched it.

"Bambi is a good movie." Was all she said although he could tell that she didn't believe him.

"Yeah, I guess, but there's only so many times you can watch it before you go insane." Before she could comment Wally grabbed her hand and dragged her off to where he knew the others were, trying desperately to ignore the mouth watering treats that were levitating along behind them. He wanted nothing more than to devour every last bit of food in the mountain, but that would look suspicious, even for him. He'd just have to wait for the movie to start then he'd get the chance to eat some more.

When the two redheads entered the room, they were met with various greetings; the loudest being from Artemis and Robin who were complaining about him being late. Choosing to ignore them, Wally dropped down on the couch like he normally did, forgetting for one second how injured he was, and had to stifle a pained gasp when the move jarred his ribs. He caught Robin glancing at him out of the corner of his eye and he grimaced internally; he really did not need the protege of the World's Greatest Detective questioning him.

But the Boy Wonder didn't question him; instead he did something much worse.

He elbowed him, in the ribs, _hard._

"You ate all the cookies again, didn't you?" The question didn't register to Wally; he was too busy trying to breath. First Megan, now Robin; were his friends _trying_ to kill him? It sure seemed that way. What next? Was conner or Artemis going to punch him? Did he need to worry about Kaldur bumping into him like Megan did?

Try as he might, Wally was unable to hold back a few tears of pain. Robin started and turned to face him, concern clear on his face. Wally was vaguely aware of the face that his other friends had also turned their attention on him, but he was more focused on Robin; if anyone could see through his lies, it'd be his best friend.

"I'm sorry guys, it's just," lie, lie, think of a lie, "it's just those cookies were sooo good, and now I want more." Artemis rolled her eyes, Kaldur gave a little sigh, Megan promised to make more, and Conner went back to staring at the movie menu, which, thank god, wasn't Bambi. Robin on the other hand continued to watch him.

"I know," Wally whispered mischievously, hoping that what he was about to say would convince his best friend to drop it, "You can go back to the Batcave and get some of Agent A's cookies, that will make up for the cruel reminder that we are currently out of cookies." Although he couldn't see it because of the mask, Wally just knew the Boy Wonder was rolling his eyes.

Once the movie started- some chick-flick that Megan picked out that he wasn't the least bit interested in- Wally wasted no time and started chowing down. He ate anything he could get his hands on, even the other's food ("My friend, if you were that hungry you could have asked." "I think I'll go make those cookies now." "Snatch anything from me again and I'll shove an arrow down your throat.") He was so engrossed in the food that he failed to notice Robin had not made any smart comments about his eating habits like he normally did. He also failed to notice his young friend was watching him with furrowed brows, and troubled eyes.

Many more movies and tons of food later, Wally finally noticed his friend's behavior. He could have slapped himself; he really didn't need this. Oh well, Wally sighed to himself, it was too late to do anything about it now, the little bird was going to make a visit to his room tonight.

When Wally made a conscious effort to actually watch the whatever movie they were now on, the credits were rolling on the screen. He shrugged and stood up to stretch, enjoying the feeling of being able to do so without too much pain.

"Well," He smiled brightly at the others, " That was a lot of fun, I really enjoyed it, but now I think it's about time to hit the hay." He zipped out of the room without giving the others a chance to respond and slammed his door shut; he wanted to have at least a few moments to himself while he came up with a lie before Robin showed up. As he laid there gathering his thoughts, he listened to his team move around, going to their rooms and getting ready for bed.

After ten minutes of silence Wally sat up and stared intensely at his door. Only a few seconds later there was a knock. Wally opened the door and was met with an expected sight; Robin, arms folded over his chest and leaning against the doorway.

"Dude it's late, what do you want?" Wally fake whined. Robin ignored him and stepped into the room, closing the door behind him and staring at the speedster expectedly.

"What's wrong?" Dick asked in a no nonsense way as he took off his sunglasses. The glare he wore silenced Wally before he could object. "Don't play dumb with me, I've known you for too long, you can't fool me."

'_I've fooled you into thinking that I'm happy since we first met, what makes this any different?'_ Wally thought bitterly.

"You were to quiet all night." Dick continued, unaware of his friend's negative thoughts. "You didn't act like a complete wuss throughout any of the horror movie and you didn't even make stupid comments about any of the hot girls." His glare lost most of its bite as concern began to replace it. " Wally, what's wrong?"

Wally felt his own bitterness fade at the concern the person he viewed as a little brother was showing him.

"It's nothing Dick, I promise. It was just...a rough day at school. You know how it is; last day of school, super nerd, bullies, not being able to do anything without fear of people finding out your identity." Wally could tell from the look on Dick's face that he wasn't convinced, but he nodded anyways.

"Well, if you want to talk about it, you know I'll listen." Wally was full of absolute self-loathing at the worry he was causing his friend.

After exchanging a few more words, the Boy Wonder went back to his room. Wally moved back to bed, thinking over his day. While it might have started off bad, it had gradually became better. He prayed that it'd only continue to get better tomorrow.

**Again I hate how this chapter turned out and I really sorry for having made you wait this long just for this. I'll make sure that the next one is better.**


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